My Father's Love Letters to Mom

11-1-78

I can’t tell you how I feel at this moment - Missing you, so much. I love you more than words can tell – more than any physical measure could convey. My life begins with what I’ve with you and closes when I leave you. I exist only to be a part of your life. I’m so sorry things are the way they are, at the present time. But they’re beautiful years ahead for us; let’s think of that! Remember I love you, that I need you, that I adore you. You are a lifeline to everything I want to live for, my beautiful Alice.

 

You have become so much a part of me, that, to do without you would void in my life completely. You are always with me and thoughts and in spirit. I love you, my beautiful Alice. I love you, my bittersweet. I love you, my everything.

 

11-8-78

Our weekends have been so full and happy, there comes the days in between when I must survive without you. Alas! This loneliness, for you, is incredible. How I miss you. I am convinced that I only live for the moments when we are together.

 

Dear Alice, here I am, again, missing you. Here we are again, apart for a few days, a few eternities. How bittersweet our Sunday nights have become. Then the loneliness creeps in when I’m about to leave you, a mere reminder as they’re also, rocking me with the realization of my love for you. It truly renders me almost speechless. How I hate to leave you and yet, what a wonderful feeling it is, for me, to love you as I do. It’s a surge of strength for me – another source of strength is the realization that you love me too, even with no reservations. These impressions are so very vivid for Sunday nights-when the loveliness creeps in. How bittersweet.

 

Hope you are truly happy about us, my Alice. Perhaps that thought of us can give you strength. I love you, my darling. Always be there for my homecoming. Remember that my life is gray without you, that my world of color is inherent in you, my Alice. I love you.

 

Yes, I do love you, so very much. Each time I say or write it I’m left with an empty feeling because it seems so inadequate and impoverished compared to love I genuinely feel about you. You have no idea - this tremendous feeling – love, adoration, I have for you. Like you, I have never experienced such an intensity of emotions. I’m convinced that, in some way we were destined to meet - that we were intended for each other. You’ve made me feel secure in your love, and your special way of expressing that love. Your sweet tears Sunday night as we parted provided a certain security – I love you so for them. Be my love always.

 

11-27-78

Alas! Another several days to tolerate without you until I see you – hold you and squeeze you. I do need you; more and more, with each passing day. You’ve become so much a part of me – my life. I love you, my Alice. I love you! My darling

Alice, be my love forever.

 

I have never enjoyed doing little things so much as I do with you. I even prefer these things – sitting and talking, playing games, shopping – just looking at the fire in the fireplace with you is a joy. We get so much more from each other doing the simple things, rather than staying busy, looking for things to do – time fillers. Time fillers aren’t needed – aren’t necessary for you and me.

 

Will you ever know how much your words mean to me– How much you mean to me? There is no turning back and there’s no retreat; you’ve become my destiny. Every day I live is for you. Every cell of my body loves you – yearns for you, exists for you. I love you, my Alice.

 

1-2-79

Bittersweet! It’s a perfect description of our present existence. Or, if you prefer, sweet sorrow. I love you. I miss you. More than this world – more than my life.

I, too, sense that we love each other very deeply and need each other beyond return; that separation has become unthinkable; that our lives melted into one that all alternatives for existence are eliminated. We remain together, or we just simply don’t exist.

I love you more with each passing day. Know that my need for you reaches desperation. Please be my love always

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